“People change for two reasons: either their minds have been opened or their hearts have been broken.” – unknown

A good friend of mine “shared” that quote on Facebook and wrote at the top of her post, “when it happens at the same time….it’s life changing.” 

Yes!  I thought….that’s exactly what has happened to me, and boy has it been LIFE changing.

As one of those people that dabbles in a little of everything, I often wondered if I was ever going to be good at anything.  It seemed as if every time I thought I had found what would make me happy, my current life would deal me another blow and throw me off track. 

Now don’t go thinking I am a martyr or anything.  I actually think I have a pretty good life.  However, I started at a very young age questioning my purpose.  Not just my career purpose, but my life purpose.

Questions like:

• Why did God create ME in particular?  I mean….I don’t seem any more special than anyone else. 
• What am I here for?
• What am I suppose to be doing with my life?

Interesting enough, I may have been asking the questions, but I wasn’t listening for any answers. Obviously my mind was not open. I actually thought, while my life was spinning out of control, that I had everything under control.  I was like a firefighter, working hard to put out flames, watching until the embers slowly fade, just before the next big fire begins.

Worst part – most firefighters love their jobs, but I was not enjoying mine at all.

Now let’s look back a moment, those blows I mentioned above, came just like wildfire…unexpected, turbulent, full of rage and devouring everything in its path.  Each fire – aka issues in my life – I fought, made me feel further and further away from God.  It was not because God wasn’t there, but because I was choosing to handle it on my own.

My desire for control became my pursuit.  It was all I could do to keep above the smoke.  I stopped seeking God, I stopped talking about God, I stopped noticing God’s hand. 

I TOOK CONTROL

My emotions and feelings ruled how I fanned the fires in my life.  I knew that if I were to stop and listen to wisdom and discernment of the Holy Spirit, that would mean I lost control.  Ugh!  What was I doing to myself?!?!

I sucked as a person in that moment.

My heart had become cold.  My reaction to the flames became instinctual instead of smart and well thought out.  Fight, flight or freeze were my only responses to life and I knew something was terribly wrong.

Everything was slipping away:  my future, my plans, my finances, my love, my marriage, my kids and my pride.  Something had to change….the fire had consumed who I was and who I wanted to be. 

I sat and cried.

And I cried some more.

And I cried some more. (I am pretty stubborn)

Then it hit me, I needed God. I needed a change only He could bring.  So I prayed.  And I waited (impatiently I might add).

Most people can hear a “still small voice” and know what to do in these moments.  Not me, because I WAS IN CONTROL, so I needed more of a BOOMING voice that echoes in my brain and creates waves that signal all of my senses to pay attention.  But God knew that!

My Mind Was Opened

Suddenly there were these images appearing to me.  Sort of like a film of things I had done in my life, things I had been through, people that crossed my path, jobs I had held, animals I had loved, pains I had endured, lessons I had learned.  It was like I was the main character in A Christmas Carol – only I am not mean and greedy like Scrooge. 🙂

Now think about it, theme of A Christmas Carol is the possibility of redemption and the importance of love and compassion. That was missing in my life!

BOOM! I GOT THE MESSAGE!

In that moment, while my past and present were laid out for me to review, I thought, “my future is in my hands”.  What I do next will define my character and my purpose.  And just like that, I heard the “still small voice” I had been longing for.  Something inside of me became aware that I needed to actually put my future in HIS hands, not mine!

All of the flames, all of the fires, even the embers, had served a purpose.  They were preparing me for something big.  Something I needed to give to Him to control.

James 1:2 (ESV) states “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.”  Once I would have scoffed at that sentence.  Joy in the all of the flames? Ha!  But now that my mind is open, I honestly would not change even one single, solitary moment of my fiery past.  God was working on me! 

Now He Can Work Through Me!

After my debut, in my very own version of A Christmas Carol, it was very clear that my personality, my experience, my passion and my hurts were about to be used to help others.  However, I did not feel adequate to take that on. 

In some ways I was right. 2 Timothy 3:17 (AMP) encourages us to study scripture “so that the man of God may be complete and proficient, outfitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work.”  Therefore, I would need to open myself to more of Him. I needed more preparation.

But in a lot of ways I was also wrong – I have experiences that have prepared me: I am a mom, I am a grandmother (Nana to be precise), I have adopted children, I am a military spouse, I have an amazing education in counseling, I have suffered illness, I have dealt with loss, I have had to put my marriage back together, I have struggled financially, I was gifted with a passion for animals and have saved hundreds of their lives.  And if that wasn’t enough, I have been told many times throughout my life that I was a gifted speaker, teacher and writer.

I….WAS….ADEQUATE

It is best said in 1 Peter 5:10 (ESV), “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”  Similarly, the fires of my life were purposeful. 

Since that defining moment, I have made many changes in my life.  I don’t ask the Lord, “what am I here for” any more, I ask, “how would you like to use me today?” 

I don’t always get it right, but the more time I spend in the Word, the closer I get.  As a result – this writing, this website, this blog – are all urgings of the Holy Spirit (that still small voice).

I know that I have a calling on my life. I am thankful for the fires that have prepared me for this mission.

“Here I am.” Genesis 22:1 (ESV)

Thoughts to Ponder

Everything we read on Facebook is not truth – but you knew that. However, this particular post – which I opened with – rang true.

If your mind is opened to God it creates change.  And if you suffer a broken heart it creates change. 

BUT BOTH TOGETHER CREATES A POWERFUL LIFE CHANGE

Not everyone will experience a sobbing, grab your attention, give you goose bumps, make your heart pump kind of moment like I did.  But I do believe that everyone is given moments of definition in life. A moment where they can be redeemed and find the love and compassion of Christ or they can continue getting scorched by the flames of their fire. 

Too often people get stuck in thoughts of not being ready or not feeling adequate for a task. However, consider the following:

What has God already prepared you for in your own life experiences?

(your own personal fires and broken heart)

What are you still lacking for your preparation?

(Time in the Word, Wisdom, Discernment)

What will it take for you to create the change that can only come from an open mind?

AND

most important……listen carefully

What is God asking you to do with that right now?

Farewell for Now

I know, I know……. I didn’t share all the nitty-gritty with you. I didn’t give you stories about the fires in my life.  I didn’t tell you about how my rescues teach me day in and day out how to overcome.  I didn’t tell you how I got from the “defining moment” to this blog.  Those STORIES will all come in due time. 

Take Note!

My hope was to redirect you to think about your purpose, AS we all have a purpose on our life.  My hope is to help you rethink the fires in your life and realize that there is good that can come from them.  My hope is to motivate you to seek God to see where you are headed. And most of all, my hope is that you will have a BOOM moment that will take you where you need to be.

“Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts.” Rick Warren – The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?